Gym rule enforcer and random workout dealer. Pick your time and gear, I'll pick the moves. Re-rack your weights.
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Pick 10, 20, 30 or 45 minutes and your equipment in Only Bans, and it builds a circuit of 5 moves with a warm-up and cool-down. Each move is 40 seconds on and 20 off. Spin again if you hate the first one; we won't tell.
Stand with feet about shoulder-width apart, push your hips back and bend your knees like you're sitting in a chair. Keep your chest up and knees tracking over your toes. Stand back up by pushing through your whole foot.
A few minutes of easy movement like marching, arm circles and bodyweight squats gets your muscles ready. Start light before going heavy. Cold muscles are cranky muscles.
Gym rule: grunting is allowed, but not like you're auditioning for a nature documentary. Keep it to a dignified 'oof.' The squat rack thanks you.
Put dumbbells and plates back where you found them. The next person shouldn't have to hunt for the 20s. Re-racking is a free arm workout.
Rest on your forearms with elbows under shoulders and make a straight line from head to heels. Squeeze your core and glutes and don't let your hips sag. Keep breathing the whole time.
Set equipment to none in Only Bans and you get bodyweight moves like squats, push-ups and planks. A 20-minute session is 3 rounds of 5 moves plus a warm-up and cool-down. Your living room is now a gym.
I signed up for the gym in January and went 11 times. Eleven! That's more than last year combined, so I'm basically an athlete.
Choose dumbbells in Only Bans for moves like goblet squats, rows and presses. Pick a weight you can lift with good form for the whole 40 seconds. Ego lifting is banned here.
Wipe benches, mats and handles after you use them. Most gyms keep spray and towels nearby. Leave it cleaner than you found it.
Start with push-ups against a wall or a sturdy counter, then move to your knees, then your toes. Keep your body in a straight line at every level. Progress is progress.
Banned from my workouts: burpees before coffee, mirrors before 8 AM, and anyone who says 'just one more set.' That's it. That's the list.
Select bands in Only Bans for travel-friendly moves like band rows and lateral walks. Bands are cheap, light and fit in a suitcase. Hotel gym who?
Let others work in between your sets when the gym is packed. Scrolling on the bench between sets is how enemies are made. Share the squat rack, share the love.
Pick a time, lay out your clothes the night before and start with 10 minutes. Spin a workout on Only Bans so you don't have to think. Show up first, get fancy later.
I let a random workout generator decide what I do so I can blame it when it's hard. It's a healthy relationship. For me.
Tap the gym rules button on Only Bans for a random etiquette rule. Today's: wipe the bench, because your sweat is not a souvenir. Share it with that one guy.
Lift a weight you can control through the full range of motion. If your form breaks down, go lighter. Nobody's impressed by a wobbly rep.
Walk or march slowly for a couple of minutes to bring your heart rate down. Then stretch the muscles you worked, holding each stretch gently. Smug feeling included.
Gym selfie rule: one photo, no flash, and nobody else in the background mid-squat. Take it and get moving. The mirror has seen enough.
The general guideline for adults is at least 150 minutes of moderate activity a week plus muscle-strengthening on 2 or more days. Short random workouts can help you get there. Every minute counts.
Choose a weight where the last few reps of a set feel challenging but your form stays solid. Different moves need different weights. It's normal to have a light pair and a heavier pair.
My excuses for skipping leg day: it's cloudy, my socks don't match, and the stairs at home already count. None of them are good. Do the squats.
Muscles recover and adapt between workouts, so plan rest or easy days. Try not to work the same muscle group hard two days in a row. Rest is not lazy, it's strategic.
Lie on your back with knees bent and feet flat, then squeeze your glutes and lift your hips until your body makes a line from shoulders to knees. Pause, then lower slowly. Keep your back neutral, not arched.
My gym bag contains one shoe, a protein bar from three years ago and my good intentions. I'm getting a new bag. Same intentions.
Take calls in the lobby, not between the cable machines. Earbuds in, voice down. Nobody needs to hear about your cousin's wedding drama mid-set.
Muscle effort is normal, but sharp pain, dizziness or chest pain means stop. Check with your doctor before starting a new routine if you have health concerns. Listen to your body, it's the boss.
A towel for sweat and a water bottle for sips between rounds are gym basics. Many gyms require a towel on benches. Hydrated and polite, that's the goal.
Short, regular workouts usually beat one heroic session followed by two weeks of soreness. Aim for showing up, not perfection. Consistency is the glow-up.